Stay home in the lockdown. But do you really have home in your world?

What is true happiness?

What is true success?

And who am I at all?

I have realised that answering these question is the fundamental of my life.

In history, many people have been seeking the answers to these questions. People have been examining different various approaches for this. 

Sachi Takekoshi (Happy-chan) is one of the seekers. She repeatedly recalls us.

“Let’s come back home in your mind”.

This exactly syncronises the present global slogan “stay home” under the threat of COVID-19.

The “home” in your mind is not meterial home but peace in your mind where you feel hapiness.

All of us have a home in our mind but we forget where it is. We need to recall where it is and stay there.

But I often grow chaotic egos in my head. I call them “ego-bugs”.

Egos essentially indentify what you are, how you are different from others. So egos are not your enemies. However, when egos get grows too much and out of contrall, ego-bugs get harmful for you. Ego-bugs sway your attention to past and future and fill you with anxiety, fear, regret and pressure. They pull you out of your home sweet home that exists in this moment.

If you do not know there are ego-bugs in your head, you cannot think the right way. This state is opposite of “mindfullness”.

Here is my inner conversation when I am not mindfull and grwoing ego-bugs.

“What can I do?”

“What should I do?”

“Oh no! No good!”

“What if that happens???”

“I have to do it right now, otherwise things get worse”

“Quick!”

“Move!”

“Fix it right now!”

—————-

Why do I think like this? It is just because I am too anxious. At the same time, I want reassurance. We are craving for reassurance especially under the threat of COVID-19.

Where is reassurance? It is at home.

When you acheve what you wished and obtain what you wnated, you may feel happy, satisfied or relieaved. But next day ego-bugs make you feel anxious and afraid again. I have been repeating this over decades.

Once I get back home in my mind I can get reassurance. My home exists in this moment. But ego-bugs keep trying to pull my attention away from this moment. At any moment, my mind could not stay home. I was lost. I have no home. I had no reassurance. I was always suffering from anxiety, regret and pressure. While ego-bugs get overgrown I cannot pay attention to my wishes and needs because wavelength of wish is too much different from anxiety.

What I need to do first is to stop overgrowing of ego-bugs.

I stop. Full stop.

And mind my breath.

Simply this eases ego-bugs. It may take time to ease. Where ego-bugs get calmed I can access home and connect to the moment.

My feeling of reassurance will be growing more and followingly I can feel more joy. One day I realise that my attention is towards wishes and need in future even though the external world around me has not changed.

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